We have made no bones about how we feel concerning our narcissist and what they did to us. But I thought I’d change it up a bit today and actually address the resultant positives from the time with my narcissist. (Obviously, this will be a very short post.) And, as painfully difficult as it might be, I’d like to encourage you to do the same. After all, even when you walk through hell, you still come out with a nice tan.
Of all the things I am thankful for from my time with Julia, my narcissist, a better diet is, by far, paramount. When I first met Julia, I unquestionably had a less than stellar diet. Julia is vegan, or about 95%/5% vegan/vegetarian, and while I can already hear some people’s eyes rolling, it’s really not nearly as bad as one might imagine. In fact, the menu can be pretty bloody awesome! There truly is a veritable cornucopia of delectable delights, eats and treats, which grace the vegan/vegetarian landscape. But now that my relationship with Julia is over, do I still follow a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle? No. But I most assuredly continue to eat far, far healthier than I ever would have if I had never met her.
For around the first 6 months we were together, she didn’t give me grief about what I ate. She’d merely make something healthy for us when we were together and that was that. But slowly, over the course of the ensuing four years, she started to crack down and began to make comments that she couldn’t (wouldn’t) be with someone whose daily diet differed as greatly as ours. (Remember, it’s all about manipulation, instilling fear with the threat of taking away their love and or ending the relationship (the basis and power behind the discard phase), and not accepting the other person for who, and as, they are.) Fear aside, I thought about it and figured why not give a better diet a shot? After all, eating healthier couldn’t be bad for me, right? So for her 37th birthday, I bought her a Vitamix 750. She was over the moon. I started making smoothies for us each morning. Soon after, she turned me on to warm lemon water and that became my breakfast – warm lemon water, then a smoothie about 20 minutes after the lemon water had metabolized. I started cooking vegan/vegetarian dishes for us like this amazing mushroom soup, and these baked Portabella mushroom caps with eggs (yes, she’d sometimes eat eggs – that’s the 5% ovo-vegetarian peeking through), this delicious Southwest black bean soup, lentil soup, and this ineffably delectable chocolate avocado chia pudding that you’d give your left eye for, as well as a number of other tantalizing treats. I had always enjoyed cooking but now I was cooking much healthier and for someone other than myself. Although she was quite adept in the kitchen, she commented a number of times that my dishes and culinary skills rivaled hers. Of course, I always countered that she was still the better chef. As my diet improved, I began to lose weight. I dropped from around 225 lbs to about 205-210 lbs. I must admit, even at 6′ 5″, 225 lbs. is a bit much to be toting around. Between the improved diet and healthy weight loss, I felt much better…at least physically, that is.
Another plus, I also began to pick up some Russian (her native language). While I’m by no means proficient or fluent, I learned enough to have a relatively decent conversation. She introduced me to a number of people in the Russian community which is surprisingly large for our demographic. As a result, I formed some good acquaintanceships with people I wouldn’t have otherwise met. We also took short day-trips to places I definitely wouldn’t have normally ventured and, as a result, I was exposed to new places, experiences, and even some decadent deliciousness. “Like what?” you ask. Rambutans! If you’ve never tried one of these deliciously amazing, bizarre-looking little fruits, you have no idea what you’re missing. Just take care not to bite directly into a rambutan. That pit will be your dental demise.
While there isn’t any prolific positivity that resulted from my having been involved with Julia, the very few good things that did manifest will be things that will last me the rest of my life and most assuredly improve my quality of living. So there is some quantifiable value in that. What about you? Barring all the ugliness and unforgivable pain and anguish authored by your narcissist, is there anything you’d consider “good,” or at least marginally redeeming from your time together?