On several occasions, we have discussed the emotional and psychological impact and repercussions of being involved with a narcissist but we haven’t really looked more closely into the resultant patterns of behavior and coping mechanisms that we, as survivors of narcissistic abuse, have developed. While the psychological, emotional, and even physical anguish can quite literally be debilitating, the aftershocks can continue reverberating long after the relationship has ended, resonating deep within a person’s psyche, thus 
perpetuating the devastation as begun by the narcissist. The list of learned behaviors and coping mechanisms can be quite extensive so I’ve broken it down to nine basic characteristics that are fairly common with survivors of narcissist abuse. And while I generally prefer to cover one topic per post, given the voluminous Tolstoyesk content, I’m going to break this into two separate entries over the course of a week.
Category: Narcissists Page 8 of 11
I‘m constantly amazed at all the motivational posts and inspirational memes I find which address 
life experiences, good or bad, proposing that there is an underlying lesson to be learned or a positive takeaway from what a person has experienced or weathered. While I’m by no means a pessimist or “negatarian,” I do believe one needs to be realistic when it comes to certain things. And being involved or in love with a narcissist is one of those things. The reality is that sometimes, suffering is just suffering. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t build character. It doesn’t teach you a lesson. It hurts, it’s toxic, and it’s destructive. Period.
I love Halloween. Seriously, for me, Halloween is my favorite of all 
holidays, trumping even Christmas. In fact, I love Halloween more than my birthday! “Why?” you ask? Because you get to be whomever you wish to be, even if it is for just one night. Halloween allows you to be who you keep hidden away inside of you. That adventurous part of your spirit that, any other day of the year, someone would look at sideways and think, “Why is Indiana Jones standing in the teller line at the bank?” The thing is, for the narcissist, Halloween occurs every single day of the year, but not for the same reasons.
Thus far, we’ve discussed what the narcissist truly is, as well as delving into the fact that narcissists seek out and cultivate relationships with empathic people, such as us, solely for the purpose of creating a unilateral parasitic paradigm for no other reason than to reinforce their sense of self-worth, all the while feeding off of you, 
and the love you have to offer, like an emotional vampire. But how? How can intelligent, rational people like us find ourselves on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, probably not just once, but many times over? Believe it or not, this goes back to our childhood and a trauma, or more than likely a series of traumas, we suffered as children.
How many times have you almost called your narcissist? Or maybe it was something a little less overt, such as an e-Mail or maybe even an 
“accidental” text? “Oops! I meant to send that to someone else,” in the hopes that they might respond and, somehow, begin a dialogue with you? Believe it or not, you are in the throes of detoxing from your narcissist. But what do you do when the cravings become so overwhelming that you feel like you’re about to crawl out of your own skin?
It hurts, doesn’t it? Seeing how quickly and easily your narcissist has moved on to someone new. You feel absolutely crushed. And you should. You should because, unlike the narcissist, you were actually invested in the 
relationship. Its success or failure genuinely mattered to you. And, for whatever reason, albeit your decision to save your sanity and yourself by walking away, or the narcissist’s decision to punish you yet again with their childish silent treatment, you now find yourself on the receiving end of unimaginable pain at seeing them with someone else. Perhaps it was even someone whom the narcissist had known for some time that they repeatedly claimed was, “…just a friend.” And now they look so happy and carefree with their “friend,” holding hands, laughing, walking, talking…kissing! How can it be so easy for them when you can barely pull yourself together and function from day-to-day?
I have a question to ask you. “How narcissistic is/was your narcissist?” That may sound like a bit of a circular question but actually ponder for a moment,
just how obvious are/were your narcissist’s narcissistic tendencies and mannerisms? After all, narcissists develop and foster shallow and self-serving relationships based on a solid foundation of deception and manipulation, all the while projecting a confident yet hollowly humbled facade, and for nothing more than the express purpose of bolstering and reinforcing the narcissist’s ego through external validation.
Thus far, we have made the observation that there is no redemption for the narcissist. We’ve even gone so far as to claim that the narcissist is a broken person who will remain reprehensibly lost and self-absorbed in perpetuity. But is that true? Is there absolutely no hope for our narcissist?
Do you miss your narcissist? I’m going to go out on a limb and say your initial knee-jerk response is probably going to be, “No!” Perhaps even a resounding, “Hell, no!” However, if the wounds are still fresh and tender, I suspect, if we’re being honest with ourselves, tucked neatly away in the darkest recesses of 
our minds and hearts, there’s going to be a completely different answer. A whisper that silently echoes, “Yes.” And it’s that little, “yes,” that gives the narcissist the doorway through which to return after the latest discard phase, wherein we once again find ourselves dazzled with the superfluously hollow hoovering phase that invariably draws us back in. But why? Why do we miss someone who, quite literally, is as a poison to our souls?
Have you noticed how the narcissist is perpetually expectant that you be there, 
available to them whenever and wherever they might be, regardless of what is going on in your life? But it’s rare that they are ever just as readily available for you? Or worse yet, they leave you feeling you’re, at best, a meager secondary option in their busy life, fortunate to be graced with even the smallest crumbs of their invaluable time that you so eagerly wait to be doled out, hoping to at least slightly slack your thirst and satiate your hunger for their love and attention? This is just another form of narcissistic manipulation. And it only gets worse.