Have you ever wondered just how much of your attention, affection, time, energy; yourself and your love you could give to your narcissist before it would ever be enough? The short answer is, “Infinite.” The long answer? Well, that’s our subject, today. How much of ‘you’ does it take to fill the abyssal emptiness that is a narcissist?
To understand why no amount of time, energy, attention, affection, tenderness, or intimacy will ever be enough for the narcissist, first you must understand that a narcissist is, in effect, an empty vessel of wholly endless volume – essentially a black hole of love – wherein you can never, under any circumstances, give them enough of yourself or your affection. The narcissist is a broken individual who is completely incomplete. In fact, the only thing that truly exists within the limitless chasm that is at the core of a narcissist, is some deeply tucked away childhood trauma, or traumas, whose seeds were planted long ago, slowly nurtured through manipulation and gaslighting, and brutally cared for by their abuser/narcissist, that resulted in the vampiric individual with whom we, unfortunately, fell in love. This is one of the primary reasons you will find narcissists surrounding themselves with veritable droves of people in the form of harems or reverse harems with the sole futile desire to filling their cavernous emptiness with something; anything!
You see, the narcissist is constantly seeking attention, affection, and accolades from anyone and everyone because they have an emptiness that will never, under any circumstances, be truly satiated. Even as an empath, I was completely drained after 4-½ years of giving all of my love to Julia, my narcissist. She would tell me, “The girl you fell in love with is still in here. She’s just so afraid to come back out.” I thought, “Perhaps if I give her more of my love, she’ll come back to me.” So, I would give more. And more, and more, and more. But the more I gave, the less Julia would give back. It was as though we were in some twistedly, sadistic dance – every step I took forward, she would take two steps back. In the end, I was emotionally bankrupt. The truly sad thing is, I should have loved myself with the same breadth and depth of love that I gave Julia. But I just kept holding on, hoping, “Maybe this time, it’ll be enough.” But it never was. The thing we need to understand and accept about narcissists is they don’t stop at taking as much from you as they can. They also dive headfirst into their faith, seeking some depth of fulfillment from their god.
The church is another place you will often find narcissists, en masse. Now, before I go any further, I feel I need to stress – just because someone is in church, under no circumstances prequalifies them as a narcissist. What I am saying is that corporeal compassion, that is to say, attention and affection from physical beings, simply cannot fill the void within the narcissist and they know this. This is why many will also seek to fill that emptiness with an all-consuming, all-encompassing love; agape from the Greek, ἀγάπη, meaning a love that only a God can have for His creations. Julia attended services regularly and piously. But there was always a void within her that even her God simply couldn’t fill. There were many times I could feel her unease – it was almost palpable – a restlessness that left her mind ill-at-peace and her soul unquiet. My beautiful friend, if a person’s God cannot fill their abyssal emptiness, what hope could you, or I, ever possibly have?
Imagine, instead, you could be giving your fathomless love to another empath, someone who would not only take and treasure of your boundlessly beautiful love, but would also return that same love, in spades. Imagine someone loving you the way you love(d) your narcissist. Wouldn’t that be absolutely amazing?! Instead of one gardener (you) tirelessly toiling and tending their garden (your narcissist) – watering, weeding, feeding, caring, slaving to keep parasites from invading and destroying what you’ve worked so hard to create – imagine two gardeners creating a garden of their love that burgeons and blossoms with the fruits and flowers of the inner-beauty that springs forth from themselves and their love for each other. You could have that. More importantly, you deserve that! And somewhere out there is another gardener wishing they could have that same beautiful garden with you.