Since being involved with your narcissist, whether you are still “together,” in the throes of (yet another) discard phase, or have finally found
the courage to move on with your life and begin the arduous journey of healing, how many times have you found yourself apologizing for something you either said or did to someone who wasn’t truly deserving of your ire as a result of an emotionally-charged knee-jerk reaction?
We have made no bones about how we feel concerning 
our narcissist and what they did to us. But I thought I’d change it up a bit today and actually address the resultant positives from the time with my narcissist. (Obviously, this will be a very short post.) And, as painfully difficult as it might be, I’d like to encourage you to do the same. After all, even when you walk through hell, you still come out with a nice tan.
Happy New Year, my beautiful! I do sincerely hope you had a wonderful holiday 
celebration. And, more importantly, I hope you were able to celebrate it narcissist-free. If you weren’t, if you “caved” and went back or took them back, don’t beat yourself up. I did the same thing three years in a row. It’s bloody near impossible to break the ties that bind, especially at and around the holidays, and moreso when it’s someone you genuinely love. But guess what! It’s a new year and a new opportunity for you to live your life free of narcissistic abuse. And that is the happiness you deserve!
How do you feel towards your narcissist? Are you still angry and hurting over things ending the way that they did? That’s assuming that they’ve actually
ended. Don’t fret if you’re still together and you feel trapped and powerless. You’ll find the courage and strength to walk away and stay away in due time. Or perhaps you’re still in the throes of trying to figure out exactly how you feel. Perhaps it’s a dichotomy – one day it’s loathing, vile disdain directed towards your narcissist, then the next day might be fond reflection with perhaps a little despondent indifference peppered-in throughout your day – with these very polar opposites soon becoming your much-dreaded duality of normalcy. Whatever your current interpersonal, emotional, and psychological state, even if you are still embroiled in the toxic turmoil that is loving an unlovable person, believe it or not, with each passing day you are healing and you are moving ever closer to regaining your precious freedom and cherished, albeit briefly absent, sanity. Perhaps not as quickly as you would like but then things seldom materialize and manifest when and how we ideally visualize they should. You’ll get there in time. Every journey has a destination. Every sojourn an end.
I can’t even begin to count the number of times I wondered this 
throughout the 4-½ years with my narcissist. With each and every discard phase, and believe me there were far more than I care to remember or admit to, I felt like it was “our last time.” I found myself wondering, “How long will it take before I’m healed? How will I know when I’m healed? Will I ever truly heal?”
It’s pretty scary, isn’t it? Sitting here, now, in the throes of long-suffering agony, watching your narcissist as they joyously continue on with their life as though nothing ever happened between you and them. As though you never 
existed. They seem almost flippant and even recalcitrant in how they have so very easily, and far too quickly, fallen into a new relationship with someone whom they most likely repeatedly proclaimed to you was “just a friend.” And now you’re faced with the heart-wrenching and unfathomably painful possibility that you could quite literally feel this sadness, this longing for your narcissist, for the rest of your life. I know your pain. I was once there.
It was the last Sunday of November 2019 when the call came through.
Veronika, whom you might remember from A Smorgasbord of Crumbs, The Prophecy is Fulfilled, and What Happens When a Narcissist Falls for a Narcissist, exclaimed, “Julia and Artie got married!” You see, Julia was my narcissist of 4-½ years and Artie was Veronika’s ex-fiance of 4-½ years. Veronika was quite upset so it probably didn’t help matters that my knee-jerk reaction was to laugh.
So, your narcissist has once again graced you with the gift of their absence. Perhaps, as has happened so many times before, some innocuous little nothing happened that sent your narcissist off the deep end and they stormed off, childishly punishing you with the silent treatment. And now all of your texts, phone calls, even e-Mails 
go unanswered – let’s be honest, ignored. If you’re still in love with your narcissist, I know this hurts very deeply. I’ve been there more times than I can count or care to remember. And though it might not feel like it at the moment, you are quite fortunate.
For anyone who has ever been involved with a narcissist, we know all too well the seemingly unyielding pain and anguish that goes hand-in-hand with being a survivor of narcissistic abuse. The initial love bombing, and subsequent discard and hovering phases, leave our head and heart spinning, reeling from the destructive dynamic that we, as empaths, have been programmed by our 
narcissist to confuse with love. We see this longing for our broken relationship to be put right, as unrequited love. And the time spent apart from our narcissist pedantically plods onward at a progressively painful pace, with these feelings of wanting and longing only growing deeper and more excruciating to the point that we find ourselves fixating on resolving whatever conflict that exists between us – the empath and our narcissist – at whatever cost, so we can once again bask in the dim glow of the narcissist’s perverted interpretation of love which they have conditioned us to accept as healthy and desirable. My beautiful, this isn’t love. It’s a twisted bastardization of love. So why do we miss it? Why do we miss someone incapable of truly loving? Why do we long for a broken person’s broken love?
Last week, we began the first of a two-part series delving into learned behaviors and coping mechanisms when one is or has been involved with a narcissist or in an abusive relationship. If you’d like a refresher, you can re-read Part 1. Otherwise, let’s jump back in and pick up where we left off.