So we’ve looked at why the narcissist chooses a particular person to 
vampirically drain both emotionally and physically (sexually / physiologically) for as long as possible, but what happens after the narcissist? Exactly what is the psychological fallout and the emotional aftermath?
Category: Narcissists Page 10 of 11
Have you ever wondered what happens when one narcissist becomes 
romantically involved with another narcissist? Here you have two very insecure, remarkably fragile, immature personalities constantly vying for control, attention, affection – it isn’t pretty. And what’s worse, in the end, one of the two is going to win. So what happens when a narcissist becomes a narcissist’s narcissist? (I’ll give you a second to process that one.)
When my narcissist, Julia, and I first started seeing each other, she told me about how, when you genuinely love someone, you’d do anything for them, trusting them implicitly, beyond reproach. She then regaled me with a “Russian” tale where a man was so in love with a girl that, even though he knew the “gift” she held in the palm of her hand would kill him, he nonetheless loved and trusted her to the point that he’d willingly eat it, saying, “I would take poison from your hand.” How many times did we freely take poison from our narcissist’s hand, trusting that what s/he offered wasn’t, in fact, the emotional death we knew it to be?
I‘m sure there’s actually a clinical name for it (there’s pretty much a clinical name 
for everything, these days), but that’s what I always called it, “Superman Complex.” It’s the term I used to describe the uncontrollable feeling of needing to swoop in and save my narcissist whenever it seemed like she needed me. No matter what I was doing, it suddenly became a secondary priority and she became my primary concern. She was my Lois Lane. But was I really her Superman?
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth, breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.”
Have you ever wondered if there was something unique that drew the narcissist to 
you in the first place? Was it your eyes? Your smile? Your hair? Perhaps it was your laugh or the way you looked that particular day when you first met. Well, I hate to break it to you but it was none of the above. Sure, no one wakes up of a morning and says, “Hmmm, I’d like to find someone to share intimacy with to whom I’m not the least bit attracted,” even the emotionally devoid narcissist. Yes, physical attraction did play a small part but it was not the deciding factor. The reality is, the narcissist chose you because you are an empath. “What’s an empath?”
“You won’t cry for my absence, I know.
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?”
I remember when I first heard this song, Evanescence’s Missing, the lyrics just struck me to my core. All I’d ever wanted was for my narcissist to actually care if she lost me. To care that I was there. To care about what we had. All I ever really wanted was for her to just…care. And therein is the crux of the matter. I wanted someone, who was the most important and cherished adult person in my life, to actually care about me, about us, our future, our present, our relationship – our life together! But she didn’t and she never would because it’s not within the narcissist’s ability to genuinely care.
Asking the impossible of you. That’s the status quo for the narcissist. Whether it’s unbridled access to your bank account, home, car…life, the narcissist always, at some point, will ask the impossible of you and, worse yet, expect it! It reminds me of the scene from Quest for the Holy Grail where the Knights Who Say, “Ni!” demand that Arthur and his knights use a herring to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest.
A couple of days ago I touched on the subject of what happens when the narcissist returns after the discard phase but I didn’t really address why the narcissist returns. While there can be a myriad of reasons, generally it all boils 
down to one reason: you are the perfect supply to feed the narcissist. Odds are, the narcissist has invested countless hours, effort, and energy in grooming you to cater to them and in fulfilling their needs through trauma bonding, interspersed with both positive and negative comments (e.g. pointing out things that are wrong with you but stating how they overlook these shortcomings and still love you), as well as periods of high arousal (generally sexual/physical) and lows (usually “tough times”) over long periods through shared experiences that are designed to reinforce your dependence on them. It would be much, much more difficult for them to find another empathic source and reinvest all that time and energy “training” them, as it were, to replace you. So, they return.
How many times has the narcissist punished you for some imagined slight by removing themselves from your life? By and large, the silent treatment is one of the cruelest forms of punishment the narcissist can inflict on their victim and one of their favorites as it requires no real effort on their part. It cuts to the bone, to the core of your being and your soul. It affects your sense of value both in your eyes and theirs. You feel as if you are insignificant and worthless. And, the longer it goes on, the longer you wallow in a misery that only they could deliver you from. If only they would call. If only your phone would *ding* with a text or e-Mail from them exclaiming how much you’re loved and missed. But the silence continues. How could they do this to you? Why would they do this to you?