You may have heard the term gaslighting in your travels and, if you’ve ever been involved with a narcissist (my sincerest sympathies), you have most likely experienced gaslighting firsthand. But what exactly is gaslighting? And how is a perfectly sane person made to question, even doubt, their own sanity? I’m glad you asked.
Category: Narcissists Page 9 of 11
…are mourn the loss of someone who hasn’t died, and the loss of something that has.
I had a topic in mind for today’s entry, but something happened last night that completely usurped my nefarious plot. I had a dream. I dreamt that my narcissist had returned, resumed the hoovering phase, and then a week later, as became par for the course, *Poof!* She was gone. I was so hyper-focused on calling her, asking her why, and telling her how deeply she’d hurt me. Even when I awoke from the dream, I was still beset with an overwhelming compulsion to reach out to her and share with her the pain she’d wrought upon me. So that’s today’s lesson, class. Does the narcissist care about what they’ve done to you?
Have you ever wondered just how much of your attention, affection, time, energy; yourself and your love you could give to your narcissist before it would ever be enough? The short answer is, “Infinite.” The long answer? Well, that’s our subject, today. How much of ‘you’ does it take to fill the abyssal emptiness that is a narcissist?
As we revealed yesterday, I got a text this past weekend from a friend stating they saw my narcissist, Julia, out with someone new, “Artie.” Julia had told me all about Artie back in May, saying he was, “…just a friend.” It would seem, however, that this “friend” has now been promoted from a secondary source of narcissistic supply to a primary source. In other words, my narcissist is now dating someone. To be honest with you, I’d been speculating on how I’d feel the day I discovered my narcissist had moved on to a new victim. Now I know.
This past Saturday, I received a text from Veronika. You may recall Veronika was briefly mentioned in What Happens When a Narcissist Falls for a Narcissist? In essence, Veronika texted stating she’d just witnessed my narcissist, Julia, and Veronika’s ex-fiance, “Artie,” on a romantic stroll in a local park. Veronika relayed to me that Julia and Artie were no more than 15 feet away when Julia saw her. It was then that Julia stopped, turned, and kissed Artie in an obvious effort to assert her ownership of Veronika’s ex. They then continued their walk, hand-in-hand, smiling. As predicted several weeks ago, the narcissist would most likely promote a secondary source of narcissistic supply (SSNS) to a primary source (PSNS) – i.e. Julia has begun dating Artie.
It was about mid-October, 2014. I was out for a ride. The weather was sublime, picturesque, really, as it always is in the Southern U.S. every October. I was heading down a section of road, that’s when I passed her. She was tiny, about 5′ 6″, 102 lbs., sandy blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, and she was jogging. It was only a moment that I saw her and then we passed each other. I vividly recall thinking to myself, “Man, I wish that was my girl.” And that was it. I didn’t see her again the rest of 
my ride. But that momentary encounter left an indelible mark in my memory. So the question that I present to you today, “Do you believe in love at first sight?” Or is it really nothing more than lust attempting to masquerade as something more honorable than merely a primal, hormonal reaction to visual stimuli? Until that moment, honestly, I never thought you could love someone with just once glance. After all, how could you possibly love someone you’ve never actually met?
Okay, I will freely admit that I stole the title of today’s entry from the fantastic 1988 movie of the same name. But in my defense, we do have a serpent in
today’s entry. 🙂 I’ll confess that I’ve never been a particularly religious person, having always felt that religion was the commercialization of spirituality. In other words, “How do we make money off of your beliefs/faith?” Conversely, I am a rather spiritual person, probably more so than the average individual. That being said, I recall one particular sermon, from many years ago, that ran eerily similar parallels to dating a narcissist.
This morning, a co-worker pulled me aside and told me I’d crossed his mind this weekend.
Okay, I’ll bite. “Why?”
Him: Man, I gotta say, I got so much respect for you. You really scored big time! [Clueless look on my face.] All my life I’ve wanted to have a smokin’ hot chick like that but you got one and you had her for three years!”
Me: “Four years, actually 4-½. But don’t think that relationship didn’t come with a heavy price.”
Him: “Yeah, but man it would have been worth it. She was amazing! Beautiful, Russian, a ballerina, smart…”
Me: “Yes, she was something. But now I can’t have a healthy relationship with anyone because I’m constantly seeing red flags, most of which probably aren’t actually there. And what few close relationships I have, now, I could care less if I lose them. You have no idea the toll it took or the damage it did.”
Him: “Man, it would have been worth it. I don’t care what happened, it would have been worth it.”
Me: “Do you want her number?”
Have you ever noticed how the narcissist steadfastly refuses to 
inconvenience themselves while at the same time expecting you to go out of your way for them? Whether it’s getting together on a day and time that works better for them and their schedule, or even just expecting you to make any number of sacrifices and concessions for them, it’s always about the narcissist and what benefits them regardless of how it negatively impacts or inconveniences you.